10 Signs You Need to Break Up with Your Boyfriend
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By Becky Weber, Crosswalk.com
I remember being in the middle of the dating scene back in my late teens and early twenties. I was always on the lookout for the person I would marry. I was obsessed with being in a relationship; it was hard for me to be alone. That meant it was hard to let go of a boyfriend even if they weren’t the greatest fit for me. I knew that deep down, but I was so scared of being alone that I didn’t want to face reality and admit the truth. When I started following Jesus, I could sense when he didn’t want me with someone. I was stubborn at first, but eventually I listened. I knew the Lord was in control, but I needed to trust him and listen. I am so glad I did, because I have been married to a great man for over 21 years now.
If I could do it all over again, I would have listened to the Lord and trusted the counsel of those close to me. There were plenty of times when I needed to end a relationship.
Here are 10 signs you need to break up with your boyfriend.
1. He Pressures You to Go Against Personal Convictions
Anyone we decide to have a long-term relationship with should be someone who has the same convictions we do, or at least respects our personal ones. If you are dating someone who tries to pressure you to do things you are uncomfortable with, it is a serious issue. A foundation for any relationship should be mutual respect for one another, especially in one that could lead to marriage. No one should have to compromise their personal convictions because they are being pressured to do so. No one should have that kind of control in a dating relationship.
2. Friends and Family See Serious Red Flags in Your Relationship
We shouldn't care what others think all the time, but we should take it into consideration when the people close to us bring up some serious concerns they see in a relationship. Feelings and infatuation run high when a relationship is new and exciting. Sometimes those feelings can get in the way of us seeing a red flag clearly. Be humble enough to hear someone out if they have a concern, especially if you know they care for you and want the best for you. Listen to them! The most important thing is to bring their concerns before the Lord and listen to how he directs you. He is the one who always knows what is best for us.
3. He Gets Serious Too Fast or Has Commitment Issues
It’s challenging to determine how quickly to move forward in a relationship, but it is something that should be mutually agreed upon by both parties. If you feel like your boyfriend is getting too serious too soon, you may need to take a step back and give yourself some space.
On the other end of the spectrum, if you have been with your boyfriend for a long time but he is having a hard time moving forward or committing, it might be time to end the relationship. Both people need to be on the same page regarding the progression of the relationship, and neither should feel pressured in either direction.
4. He Does Not Have a Solid Relationship with Jesus
When dating someone, one of the most important things to consider is whether the person follows Jesus. If you are following the Lord, and the person you're dating doesn’t, this will create huge problems in the future. As believers, this should be a non-negotiable in our dating relationships. We shouldn’t try to make someone believe or try to change them when dating. To have a healthy, God-fearing marriage, you will need two people following Jesus on their own, not one carrying the load for the other.
5. He Has Anger Issues or Is Verbally or Physically Abusive
No relationship is perfect, but there are some things that we shouldn’t tolerate while we are dating. If you are in a relationship with someone who criticizes you frequently, chances are that pattern will continue unless they become aware of it and make some changes. The same thing is true for someone who has anger issues; they won’t change unless they are willing to do the work. No one should ever tolerate any type of abuse, no matter how many times their boyfriend says they will change. Every woman deserves a person who will respect, cherish, and love her. People will make mistakes, but we can establish standards for how we are treated.
6. You Don’t Have the Same Direction or Goals for Your Lives
When you are dating, it's essential to get to know the person and understand their future goals. Do they make you dream big, or does your future get smaller because of them? This tells you a lot about what is important to them and what direction their life is heading. If you find that your goals and what is important to you don’t align with who you are dating, then it might be best to go your separate ways. You don’t have to be exactly alike in everything, but it is so important that your plans for the future have a common direction with the person that you are dating. Most people aren’t willing to completely change what is important to them. Even if he is the most wonderful person in the world, your relationship will really struggle if you are not on the same page.
7. He Lacks Self-Awareness
One of the most important things you can learn about yourself is how you affect those around you. If we don’t realize it and we have some unhealthy parts of ourselves that need to be healed, we might project some of those things onto other people. It makes it really hard to be around someone like that. Dating someone like this could become really hard if it isn’t pleasant to be around them. No one has to be perfect, but we shouldn’t have to walk around on eggshells around someone. If you can approach that person and they are open to correction, that’s great, but if they can’t see that there is something wrong, it's not worth staying with that person.
8. You Are Only with Them Because You Are Afraid to Be Alone
It’s a wonderful feeling when you are in a relationship with someone. You have companionship and someone to spend time with. If at any point you know it isn’t working out, it is better to end it rather than stay because you are afraid of being alone. It can be scary to let go of something that made you so comfortable, but it isn’t worth staying in it when you know it isn’t right. Relationships are hard work, and to be in it for the long haul, you will want it to be with someone who is worth the fight. Don’t stay because of your fear of being alone; trust the Lord that he will lead you to a person who is a great fit for you.
9. If You Can’t Trust Him
Relationships are built on trust. If a person makes a mistake, that is one thing, but if they continually break your trust in them, that is a completely different thing. Forgiveness is required in any relationship, but there comes a point when we shouldn’t put up with it anymore. If your boyfriend shows no signs of changing his ways, it might be time to end the relationship. Others may even express their concern about this person, and it is so important to listen to them. The truth eventually does come out, but we need to be willing to accept it and not lie to ourselves about what is really going on.
10. If Effort in the Relationship Is One-Sided
Relationships need to be something that both people are putting effort into, not just one person. If you notice that you are doing all the work, it is probably time to move on. We can deceive ourselves into thinking that they will change, but someone who truly wants to be in the relationship will put in the time and effort. It gets tiring being the only one pouring ourselves into the relationship and not receiving anything in return. You are worth being pursued. Don’t sell yourself short. Look for someone who wants to put in the effort, too.
Dating can be an exciting time in life; it's about meeting new people, exploring potential connections, and getting to know someone to see if they are marriage material.
In order to get to the end goal, we have to be willing to be honest about things when they aren’t working. Not every person will be a good fit, and that is okay. There are certain things that can’t be overlooked when dating someone, and if they are present, it’s time to consider ending the relationship. Don’t hold onto the bad relationships; be willing to let go so you can meet that person who is worthy of your time. The Lord knows the desires that we have, and his plans for us are good. If we can trust him with everything else, then we can trust him when we sense it is time to let go of a relationship.
